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October 7, 2010 advice

Top 5 Annoying Female Behaviors

texting

Guyism.com recently reposted one of their classics — “7 Types of Annoying Female Behavior Explained” — in honor of their first birthday. I think most of them are right on, but a few tweaks got me to our own Top 5 Annoying Female Behaviors

Where I agree:

Bathroom Field Trips: We need to pee with a friend. Whether to gossip, discuss you, or as some priceless friends of mine get a laugh freaking others out with comments like “why is it still burning” or “when will these sores heal up” from their stalls, there’s no legitimate reason for group peeing, it just is.

Being Fake: Whether it’s our parents’ fault or Paris Hilton’s “good behavior” — we have to be courteous to people’s faces no matter how many times we’ve wished misery on them. We’re not all Oscar-worthy actresses though, and our niceness may be snide, condescending, and fake. We may compliment her hair extensions, but we’re wishing she’d go bald.

Gossiping: We love to talk about Lindsay’s mishaps and our so-called friends, but if we can judge someone while making ourselves feel better, we’re all over it. We don’t want a voice of reason, we want you to chime in with more mean things to say.

And some tweaking:

Nibbling Off Your Plate: Yes, diet programs have us believe anything from your plate doesn’t count, but I think I’m Really Not Hungry is better. I won’t nibble on your fries or smear my lipstick on your chicken wings…I need my Spanks to fit tomorrow, and salad and water really is filling, thank you very much.

Delayed Texting: We won’t reply right away if we like you, we don’t want you to know that; but if we don’t like you, it’s back to being fake and we don’t want to tell you to your face. So, Excessive Texting is my last of the Top 5. If our eyes and hands are on the keyboard instead of you, it’s time to throw in the towel.

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