You shouldn’t take it personally — we’ve all had the bad dating encounters. The thing to do is remember it “builds character” (or so we’re told) and heck, it’s whittling down the bad gene pool, so what’s left has got to get better, right? Nonetheless, a bad date can mar the confidence a bit, even if you weren’t the problem.
Had a lack of good introductions recently? Then perhaps now, as we start a great New Year, it’s the time to get a confidence boost and have a resolution to improve your dating and romances in 2016. Consider these tips to get that fresh start and find a relationship that’s just what you’re looking for.
1. Move on from negative experiences
If you’ve had some difficult relationships or maybe you’re still in one, even though it’s going nowhere and you’re not happy, consider a clean break. Use your courage to move away from a situation that isn’t making you happy, freeing both of you up for something better…and try to understand where things went awry so you don’t make the same mistakes again.
It takes two, we know that. You can’t control someone else’s behavior, but you can control your own. It may be helpful to discuss a failed relationship or bad date with someone else, but be wary of talking too much with friends and family; they may tell you what they think you want to hear, rather than risk offending you by telling what they really think.
There are many places you can find love and relationship advice. A stranger (as odd as it sounds) may be the better option to get at a hidden truth. A bartender perhaps? Maybe a strong shot and a few words of advice from someone who sees and hears a lot of the good, the bad and the ugly of dating and relationships will provide a nugget of knowledge. Drinking not your thing? Consider relationship blogs or even those “relationship quizzes” your female friends read. We’re not saying you’ll find ultimate enlightenment, but a little humor and a surprising clue to get you past the negative and on to a positive new outlook is just what you need.
2. Commit to regular dating experiences
As we said earlier, weeding out the bad has to leave more good. If you’ve been disappointed by a partner or let down by a date, your enthusiasm may dwindle, but you’ve got to keep trying. The odds of “love at first sight” aren’t statistically great, but math is still on your side– the more dates you have, the more people who have the potential to be “the one’.” There’s no magic number for dates per week, but do something social at least weekly to keep the opportunities coming and your conversation and charm skills sharp.
3. Develop a feel-good mantra
If your self esteem is fading a bit, become yourself’s best marketer. You’re a great product, you’ve just got to advertise. Think Mad Men, you’re Don Draper and you need a striking mantra that sums up why others need you. Develop your selling points, why are you a great catch?. Write it down, memorize it, repeat it to yourself while you’re showering and dressing to go out. Believe you’re worth it and you will be!
4. Make dates more interesting
Forget the old school dating format — a dinner requires at least an hour of conversation and a movie doesn’t give you much opportunity to interact. Pick something stimulating you’d like to do or an activity you’re particularly good at (within reason, nothing too extreme at first) — climb a rock wall or go whitewater rafting. It’ll give you a chance to learn a lot about your date pretty quickly — is she daring, willing to try new things? Does she adapt to new situations and make the best of them, even if it’s not “her thing” necessarily. It’s a great opportunity to try new things or show off your skills a bit at something you’ve done before.
5. Have realistic expectations
You probably have your ideal partner in mind, but keep in mind those perfect matches may be hard to find; and even if you do find them, you might not realize it at first. It sometimes takes time to really find out what the other person is all about. And remember, we all have our quirks and foibles, some of us more than others. Be willing to compromise and give people a chance. Whatever you think your ideal partner has – looks, a career, money – they may not be as important as a connection with a great personality that fits with yours. Keep your mind open for a while, the first impression means a lot, but it’s what you find out over time that may really attract you in ways you didn’t think possible.
It’s a New Year, a new beginning, a new chance to feel confident in your resolution to find that right partner for you. Positive thinking is an imperative for staying confident, so keep that smile on your face, take care of yourself and don’t give up. When the good one comes along, the bad ones will fade into memory, only to appear when you need a good laugh. Confidence and a cheery outlook are attractive love ingredients for a relationship recipe that works, so get out there and enjoy that buffet of potential partners.
Tags dating advice